FILM

USA 2007 76 mins Dir: Alex Orr Starring: Anna Chlumsky, Mike Brune, Katie Rowlett

Anyone remember the sickening pre-pubescent romance 'My Girl' starring gruesome twosome Macaulay Culkin and Anna Chlumsky? Anyone wanna see the now - Jesus! - 31-year-old Ms. Chlumsky in a low-budget satirical indie horror flick about a car that runs on human blood? Of course you do. Alas, as is so often the case with these things, Alex Orr's feature debut turns out to be a rather shoddy affair that's nowhere near as clever or entertaining as it thinks it is.

Made five years ago, but mysteriously only now getting a UK cinema release, 'Blood Car' is set in the near future when petrol prices have skyrocketed to such an extent that only the very rich can afford to drive. Wet and weedy vegan kindergarten teacher Archie (Brune) is experimenting with a revolutionary new engine that will run on wheatgrass purchased from lovelorn, cutesy Lorraine's (Chlumsky) Veg-Table stall, which is pitched opposite foul-mouthed town slut Denise's (Rowlett) meat stand. But blood is the only fuel that will work. Abandoning his peaceful principles, Archie drains squirrels and family pets before refining the invention to incorporate a chopping/grinding device in the boot of his car, the better to run it on busty hitchhikers, homeless disabled folks, and so on. His newfound mobility soon attracts the attention of sinister government agents and gets Denise's meaty juices flowing.

Despite moments of gleeful, taboo-busting bad taste, such as small children being executed, the satire is half-baked, the dialogue clunky, and the one decent idea frustratingly undeveloped. Worse still, the budget only stretches to a couple of decent bloodletting scenes, with a few gratuitous naked breasts chucked in as compensation. Only the most uncritical gorehound would accord this the cult status to which it so desperately aspires. (Robin Askew)

Website www.bloodcar.com/

Opens: February 24

Copyright Robin Askew 2012