Play on
"I have an absolutely underlying belief about what theatre is, and what its value is. It's about the active nature of the audience's role and their imagination - the stuff out of which theatre happens. The word 'play', when it was coined for the theatre, must have felt very vibrant and witty. Since then it's sort of gone to sleep. But think of those words: [extravagant gesture] 'play!' 'playhouse!' I hope that's evident across the programme, from Kneehigh, who are the absolute ringmasters of theatrical play, onwards... I want people to say, 'hang on, the feeling I'm getting in this Shlomo gig is a bit similar to the one I got at the Molière'. The sight of Vicki Carver (BOV head of fundraising), who is a - how can I say this? - a mature lady, trying to beatbox in the foyer after Shlomo is one of the memories I will treasure from this theatre."
- Bristol Old Vic's Tom Morris explains theatre...
So you think ewes can dance?
"They're just excited about being fed. Any sheep that's getting fed eight times a day is going to be happy. They know the show so well they'll sit out the back and wait until it's their turn. Just as long as they're fed."
- Sheep 'trainer' Richard Savory claims his 'dancing sheep' - appearing at next week's Organic Food Festival - enjoy the showbiz lifestyle
Great Scott
"I felt it was about this guy who thought himself a legend in his own mind. There are some who read it and who think it should be a Zac Efron type: super handsome and super ripped and very physically fit. I saw him as early 20s, kind of dorky. So you have these two schools of thought - is Scott Pilgrim awesome or does Scott Pilgrim believe himself to be awesome? Bryan and I are in the latter category and so Michael Cera was my first and only choice. There is only one person who could do the goofiness, the insecurity and the fact that it would be fun to watch him being a bad ass. It wouldn't be fun to see a young action star doing these fights. It is much more fun to see Michael Cera kicking ass."
- Locally-reared director Edgar Wright on casting the lead for his film 'Scott Pilgrim Vs The World'
Jokes
My bank lets me send a text message and it'll text back with my balance.
It's a cool feature but I didn't think the 'LOL' was necessary.....
(Thanks Jack)
A rich business executive sees an ad in the Financial Times for the world's fastest and most expensive car, the Tri-Turbo Convertible Fantasy. It costs over £1 million.
The mogul decides that he must have it, and assigns half a dozen assistants to track the car down for him. After months of searching, the car is found, bought, and delivered. Eager to play with his new toy, the executive takes it for a spin.
At the first stop light, a little old man rides up next to the Fantasy on an old Vespa. Without an invitation, the old man sticks his head in the car and says, "Quite a ride you got here - how fast will she go?"
"About 270," answers the executive.
"Goodness me!," says the old man.
Just then, the light turns green and the executive decides to show the old man what the car can do. He floors it, and within seconds the car is doing 270.
But suddenly, he notices in his rear view mirror a dot that seems to be getting closer and closer, so he comes to a stop.
Then, whooooooooooosh, something goes flying by.
"What the heck was that?" says the executive. "What can go faster than my Fantasy?"
Suddenly, the same blur comes racing back toward him, and whoooooosh, passes right by. This time the executive got a better look and could have sworn it looked like the old man on the Vespa.
"That just couldn't be," he says to himself.
Suddenly, he sees it again in his rear view mirror and wham! It smashes into the back of the Fantasy.
The executive jumps from his car, and sure enough, it's the old man on the Vespa that crashed into him.
"Are you okay?" asks the executive. "Is there anything I can do for you?
"Yes," replied the old man, "unhook my braces from your wing mirror, please."
(Thanks Jim)
Airlines have banned passengers from taking tweezers on board...
Anybody who can hijack a plane using a set of tweezers deserves the bloody plane.
Even to attempt it takes a lot of pluck.
(Groan... er, thanks again, Jack)
A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realising his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts.
He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both.
What can he do?
Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything.
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees.
As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees.
He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.
By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lions' cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.
He wanders up to another lion and says, "What's the food like here?"
The lion replies: "Absolutely brilliant! Today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees."
(Thanks Ben - you win this week's star prize. Mail us a postal address and we'll sort you with some books or CDs)
Please send us jokes. Best one each week wins some stuff. OR you can send us a joke on behalf of your firm, club or religious cult, and we'll tell everyone your web address. So don't delay - email editor@venue.co.uk and make our inbox larf.
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Competitions
Win!
• "Raises silliness to an art form," chuckled the Sunday Times. "I felt I might actually die of laughter," gasped the Independent. Yep, prepare to wet yourself as the UK tour of the Tony Award-winning comedy musical 'Spamalot' tickles Bristol's funny bone at the Bristol Hippodrome (www.bristolhippodrome.org.uk) from Mon 13-Sat 18 Sept. Based on 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail', the show follows King Arthur (Marcus Brigstocke) and his Knights of the Round Table, including Todd Carty's Patsy, on their mission from God (a guest on-screen appearance from Eric Idle). One of the year's hottest tickets this, but fear not - we have two pairs for the 7.30pm performance on Mon 13 Sept to give away. But wait, there's more...
Action-packed and hilarious in equal measure, 'Kick-Ass' is based on the bestselling Marvel comic and stars Aaron Johnson as New York geek-turned-superhero Dave Lizewski, who, as Kick-Ass, teams up with father/daughter crime-fighting duo Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) and foul-mouthed mini-ninja Hit Girl (Chloë Grace Moretz) to take down the local mafia. 'Kick-Ass' will be released on Blu-ray and DVD on 6 Sept by Universal Pictures International Entertainment (bonus features: audio commentary by director Matthew Vaughn, as well as documentaries on the making of the film, and its artwork) and we have three copies to give away.
Find out how you can win one or both of these cracking prizes in this week's Venue!
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