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GIMME STYLE - Fashion and live music collide in a fittingly insouciant manner at this inaugural event for the coolest of cats coming to ... Stokes Croft.

MISS DYNAMITE - Rapper Ms Dynamite tracks down one of the fieriest characters in the war against slavery in a TV programme made in Bristol.

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Jokes

Tony Blair gives up politics to become an after-dinner speaker. One night he was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."
The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
Tony tried them. "Too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."
Tony tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth...try these."
Tony said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address.
After the dinner meeting was over, Tony went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker.""
(Thanks Jack)

A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b."
"I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment," said the owner.
"I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man.
"O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner.
So the man went out and came back an hour later.
"H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man.
The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out.
The man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money."
The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?"
"W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w- want t-t-t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?"
(Thanks Ella)

A young man called Paul invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Paul's flatmate, Simon, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Paul and his flatmate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Paul volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Simon & I are just flatmates".
About a week later, Simon came to Paul saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?"
"Well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure" said Paul. So he sat down and wrote:
DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE Frying Pan BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PAUL
Several days later, Paul received an email from his mother which read:
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH SIMON, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH SIMON, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.
LOVE MUM
(Thanks Rachel)

In the RE lesson, the teacher asked the pupils what religious object they had in their homes.
One boy answered "We have a picture of a lady eith a halo holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it."
A little girl said: "We have a brass statue of a man seated with crossed legs and a Chinese face, and every day my parents burn an incense stick before it."
Then a third boy piped up: "In the bathroom we have a little platform with numbers on it. Every day my mother stands on it first thing in the morning and yells, "Oh my God!!"
(Thanks Milly)

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
And the barman says "No"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the barman, "NO!"
"Got any bread"
"I said N-O, NO!"
"Got any bread?"
"For crying out loud - N-O spells NO and I mean NO!"
"Got any bread?"
"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO"
"Got any bread?"
"Look, if you ask me one more time if I have got any bread, I'm going to
nail your beak to the bar!"
"Got any nails?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"
(Thanks Dave, an oldie but goldie ... )

Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding, which got increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.
That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes. My feet are killing me!"
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour, but
it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla.
"Harder?" Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Philip,
"See? I told you with a face like that, she was still a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God,
darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Philip said to the Queen, "That's my boy! Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
(Thanks JimBob; you win this week's prize, a copy of rantfest 'Is it Just Me or is Everything Sh*t'. Mail us an address if you want it.)

We need jokes. We've all got stinking colds and it's going to be freezing and snowing all week, and we're all, like, really in need of cheering up. Best joke every week wins a prize of something prizey from the Venue office. Or send you gag in on behalf of your club, campaign, company or the all-conquering Irish cricket team and we'll tell all 4,000 spamvictims your web address. So don't delay; hit the REPLY button now and lasciviously present your firm, shapely young jokes to our urgently-thrusting inbox.

BTW - anyone want a book of old photographs of Easton, Eastville & St Judes? If you do, mail us a postal address. We'll send it to the first person whose mail arrives here (the judges decision is final). Just hit reply and do it.

Clicky

Find five quiet minutes to watch this.
www.thefirstpost.co.uk

Now that's what I call World Music!
www.boreme.com

Kill me now. ("Oh, don't be such a misery! It's for charidee!")
www.youtube.com

Probably blasphemous
www.jesusandmo.net

Sign the pledge
www.sustransconnect2.org.uk

How it would have been if Dan was Green, not Brown
www.daversitycode.com
(Thanks Pam)

The history of the codpiece
www.r3.org

Novel idea for alarm clock
www.mathlete.com
(Thanks Jake)

Blending
www.willitblend.com
(Thanks James)

Listen to this. You will laugh.
howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com

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